Help Wanted: Mystery Shoppers at the Dentist

Do you trust your dentist? If so, consider yourself lucky, or naive( it's your choice). Currently, I'm in between dentists because I don't trust the quack that my mother goes to. He does great work, but he is a CRIMINAL! Do you know what it is like to go in for a routine cleaning and have someone reek havoc all up in your mouth?

Don't get me wrong, I've felt the sting of a snickers bar on my teeth. I've vowed  to never eat again because of an unbearably painful chip in my tooth. Routine dentist visits are an important part of a person's general upkeep. (Thanks to Obama it will be a part of my upkeep for at least the next 4 years.) But I also know what it is like to have a dentist list a series of indistinguishable codes that I need to have done-- or else.

3 months ago, I went to a specialist because I was freaked out about a small ,black dot I saw in my mouth. Luckily the dot was just normal skin pigmentation. The specialist told me that if I wanted he could remove my wisdom teeth for me, but if they weren't troublesome then surgery wasn't necessary. He also said that at my age wisdom teeth stop growing so they shouldn't be a problem, but if I wanted to be extra safe I could have them removed. He congratulated me on flossing regularly and told me I was lucky to have a good set of teeth in my head.

Of course I opted to not have the surgery. I was relieved that my mouth was fine. (F.Y.I. if you are a mild hypochondriac, please do not google your symptoms, or use web m.d. as this is the best and fastest way to drive yourself crazy.)

A couple of months later I needed a cleaning, so I went to my mother's dentist and by dentist I mean money-hungry liar. This man insisted that I had ex rays, told me that I had a crap ton of cavities, and insisted that I  get my wisdom teeth removed. He also offered to do some simple (expensive) cosmetic work on my teeth. Mid-way through this consultation a weaselly looking man walked in. The dentist introduced him as his assistant. After he was done with my "cleaning" I followed Mr.Weasel into a small room and he attempted to set up a payment plan and a follow up appointment for all of this work that I hadn't yet agreed to. The conversation (ambush) went something like this.

Mr.Weasel: Thank you for coming in.

Me: You're welcome.

Mr.Weasel: So I hear you have a few cavities, you'll need a gum lift, your teeth are rotting inside of your head, and you have horrible halitosis.

Me: huh?

Mr.Weasel: That will be one million dollars.

Me: What?

Mr.Weasel: We don't take American Express.

Me: Come again?

Mr.Weasel: When can you come in again to begin your treatment?

Obviously this is a dramatization of what actually transpired, but the feeling behind it was REAL! So let me ask you this:

Have you ever been to a medical professional's office complete with their own room used to set up payment plans for work you haven't agreed to and might not need?

Have you ever been to a medical professional's office sitting in the chair, or laying down on the table, or spread eagle with your feet in the stir-ups and had a complete stranger walk in the room to listen to your examination?

Have you ever been told that you need lots of things done to you that you've never even heard of  before?

At this point I realized that we are in desperate need of mystery shoppers at the dentist. For those of you unfamiliar with what a mystery shopper is, it is a person that pretends to be a customer, but is really grading the retail associates on their customer service, product knowledge, and overall work ethic. Generally, the mystery shoppers work for free, but get to keep all of their purchases. The retail associate doesn't know that the customer they are helping is a mystery shopper, they just get a report back from them.

So the American Dental Association should hire people(preferably those with teeth or those interested in acquiring some teeth), properly diagnose them, and then send them to different dentist to get their teeth fixed. In exchange for their labor, they can get their dental work done for free. Wouldn't this be a great way to keep dentist honest? Those that are mis-diagnosing or over-diagnosing their patients will get in trouble, and the world would be a little better for it.